La casa vacía ya no vibra
adentro seco
afuera muerto.
Muevo mi pie
más rápido
más lento
busco el ritmo que simula tu presencia.
Digo lo no dicho
hago lo no hecho.
Sin hablarte pienso
vamos, juntemos de nuevo los restos
revivimos una vez
reviviremos de nuevo.
Quiero otro gato tal vez algún día
una casa y un buzón
un sótano lleno de porquerías
libros viejos
humedad en las paredes
preocuparme por las ratas que se coman mi comida.
Y esperarte en la puerta cuando llegues
hacer todo lo que no hicimos
compartir la ducha alguna vez
doblar tu ropa
regar tus plantas
arañar tu espalda hasta que sangre
babear tu pecho y bajar la guardia.
Estoy cansada y con miedo
abro los ojos en medio de la noche
todo esta oscuro
y vos
tan lejos
y yo
abro los ojos y pienso
cuándo fue que elegí
la vida equivocada
cuándo fue que elegí
el desahucio del olvido
fui tuya y te quise mío
vi la pena salir por tus ojos
verdes
azules
tristes
vi tus manos apretarse
heridas supurando
angustia
desazón
olvido.
Cuánto tiempo puede alguien
estar
dentro de la casa
dentro de la cama
conservando la cordura
mientras la soledad quema
y no purgan
ni el tiempo
ni la distancia
ni la sensatez de entender
que no hay ganas
ni deseo
ni apetito por tu piel
que permitan un reencuentro.
Berlín carga ahora tu ausencia
y yo el infortunio de la huida.
Fuimos uno para siempre
y no somos uno hoy.
Arrastro la silla frente al espejo
me miro fijo un rato
y seria
como si no estuviera
parada en una silla
frente a un espejo
lleno mis pulmones de aire
abro la boca y digo
voy a estar bien
vas a estar bien.
Me creo, no sé
que parada algo más alto
el discurso cobra sentido
lo repito
subo el volumen
me miro fijo e intento en mis ojos ver tus ojos
y te digo
vas a estar bien
mi amor
estamos vivos.
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