Son las 2 de la mañana y una angustia que me ahoga no me deja dormir. Intento descifrar qué es lo que me duele y hago un recorrido por todas las horas de mi día, después de mi semana, y como sigo sin respuestas, de todo mi año. Pienso en todos mis ex, en mis abuelos muertos, en las amigas que ya no tengo y en los gatos que perdí. Pienso en todos los libros que dejé en una caja en Hamburgo y en los que regalé en Venecia porque ya no tenía lugar en la valija. Pienso en Venecia, en la noche aquella que caminé 35 cuadras para mentir que me quería ir. Pienso en la casa en la que pienso cuando pienso en mi casa, y pienso en que mi casa tendría que ser siempre la actual, pero mi casa sigue siendo aquella otra aunque ya no esté ni yo ni ninguno de nosotros. Pienso en el futuro, en la valija negra y la mochila azul y en dos pares de championes y unas chinelas y cuál cámara y cuál cuaderno y cuál ciudad y en dónde haré escala y en acordarme de pedir ventana y en que capaz que las reservas las tengo que hacer para dos y sigo sin poder dormir y entonces siento un dolor en la parte baja de mi panza y me recuerdo mujer y entiendo que esta debilidad es fortaleza y me quedo dormida abrazada a mí misma.

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